Dear Chief Justice John Roberts,

I have a big big problem with your decision to allow unlimited and anonymous corporate money to flow into political elections. If someone is buying our country, couldn’t you at least have the common decency to let us know WHO?

Perhaps I’ve been too hard on Juanbo Williams. After doing a lot of thinking about it, I too get really, really nervous when I see people wearing a particular type of religious garb on an airplane. In my case, it’s nuns. When I see a woman wearing a nun’s habit getting on a plane, I break into a cold sweat remembering the time Sister Florence hit me across the knuckles with a steel-edged ruler. Or the time Sister Julius hit me across the back of the head with a sheaf of papers. Or the time Sister Magdalene smashed my fingers by slamming my hinged desktop down because I was reading a Mad magazine. Now those were some REAL terrorists!

Q: Know how to call Juan Williams?

A: Cluck, cluck, cluck.

When was the last time a big celebrity admitted publicly he was a wuss? A quivering mass of neurotic jello? Maybe not since Jimmy Carter was feared by the rabbit. OMG, there are people getting on this plane who are NOT DRESSED LIKE ME! OK, so maybe the Juanbo can’t tell a Sikh from a sheik. Different is BAD!

Man up, Williams. Where’s that “Let’s Roll” spirit?

Foghorn Leghorn Williams. Note the telltale signs of down growing on his neck.

After my mother in law moved in with us about three weeks ago, we had her phone disconnected. She got a bill yesterday for the entire month of October. I called Qwest to find out what the actual bill was, since she only had the service for part of the month. The woman on the phone said she couldn’t tell me because I wasn’t an authorized party. She said she was “just complying with Federal privacy laws.” Lemme get this straight: George W. Bush made it legal to wiretap pretty much anyone in the US, but Qwest can’t tell me what my mother in law’s final telephone bill is? WTF?

Although not covered by the Lame Stream Media, here are some pictures of a recent rally on the National Mall in Washington DC. An estimated 84 million people converged on our nation’s capital to join Steve in his “I Can Have a Bigger Rally Than You.”

The dance troupe "Steve's High Steppers" pumps up the crowd before Steve's speech.

As you might expect, security was tight with more than 800 police on hand to guard Steve

Steve acknowledges the crowd’s adoration.

The crowd listens intently as Steve speaks.

Just a tiny portion of the millions who came to hear Steve talk about himself.

One of Steve's young fans shouts her approval.

Steve blesses the crowd and sends them home with the message, "Always strive to think, act and be just like me."

These are the people who want to run the country.

This morning I told my wife that when I was growing up, I never wanted to be a policeman, a fireman or an astronaut. I wanted to be a Beatle. She said, “When I was young, I wanted to MARRY a Beatle!” Seeing as how only eight women in the whole world ended up marrying Beatles (and one of them was Yoko Ono), marrying a Beatle wannabe is the next best thing!